Identity Library

00:00
Veronika Becher
Foreign. And welcome to another episode of Identity Library. My name is Veronica Becker, and today I'm joined by Ari. Hello. Hello. Who is, funnily enough, probably my second brain cell when it comes to all. My dear. What's happening?

00:32
Ari
Sorry. We started recording and then I disappeared, but here I am.

00:37
Veronika Becher
Deep, darkest secrets. Oh, my gosh. And we've met in the most random way possible, too. Yeah, at a pumpkin carving event. That was way too early, in my opinion, because my pumpkin is already dying on my balcony.

00:50
Ari
I still haven't gotten my pumpkin back. I totally forgot to message our friend about it. And I still see those. The pictures on Instagram, and I go, oh, I need to finish that.

01:01
Veronika Becher
At least it took a photo of your pumpkin, because mine was never featured anywhere. It's like a ghost.

01:08
Ari
Vanishing pumpkin.

01:09
Veronika Becher
I know. And that's just standing on my balcony right now, just wrinkling up. And probably now being 200 years old. But yeah, scooching back to the actual topic. Would you like to introduce yourself a little bit? What are you doing? Like, maybe. What are you studying? Like, the typical introduction that people always need before they get terrified of you.

01:30
Ari
Oh, yes. Joking, of course. Hi, everyone. My name is Ari Lindquist. I use he, they, pronouns. I'm currently a State student here. I'm studying design studies and I am a transfer student. I actually transferred from Durham Tech.

01:49
Veronika Becher
Crazy.

01:50
Ari
Yeah, yeah. Shout out, Durham Tech. Shout out. Community colleges. They rock. Yeah, I'm like. I'm like, blanking now on, like, all the stuff that I do, but, like, I work for the movement, which is the really cool interpersonal violence peer education group here at State. I feel very inclined to talk about all my State stuff, but I'm a local freak creature. You'll see me around doing some stuff.

02:18
Veronika Becher
You know, Creature of the Shadows.

02:20
Ari
Creature of the Shadows.

02:21
Veronika Becher
Exactly. Randomly featuring artwork. Yeah.

02:27
Ari
That I casually forget to tell people about.

02:30
Veronika Becher
Well, now it's your time to go. Right? Yeah. This is your moment. I'm sorry, I just put you on the spot.

02:35
Ari
I mean, the gallery passed, so. But I will be submitting again. But in case UNC State people don't know or other people don't know, the College of Design collaborates with the first Friday markets and downtown Raleigh. And it's down. They have at what it's called the Fish market because College of Design is cod, so. Fish market. It's really silly, but it's a opportunity for students at NC State to submit artwork to be featured in a gallery. It's not a student gallery, but a Gallery for students, if that makes sense. But yeah, so this year or this month, they did like a spooky one for Halloween. And so I like made this random art piece for, in like two hours just out of boredom. That was like. My art style is like, pretty, like cute and fluffy.

03:27
Ari
Like, it's, if you look at my Instagram, it's like, what's the Instagram account? All over. Okay. Ari Lindquist underscore. It's a R, I, L, I, N D, Q, U, I, S, T underscore on Instagram. You should, you should check it out, give it a follow. There's some cute stuff on there. I'm doing Ratober right now.

03:48
Veronika Becher
Ratober?

03:49
Ari
Yeah. So like Inktober.

03:51
Veronika Becher
Yes, I know Inktober.

03:52
Ari
Yeah, but it's rats.

03:54
Veronika Becher
Oh my gosh.

03:55
Ari
Yeah, it's great.

03:57
Veronika Becher
Tobert.

03:57
Ari
That's crazy. It's so silly. And I like, because I, I have a joke that with my friends that I am just a little mouse. I'm like, I'm like that godforsaken mouse that you give a cookie, it's gonna want a little glass of milk.

04:12
Veronika Becher
I'm like dying because the amount of people that call me a cat, that's.

04:17
Ari
You know, I see you. I'm also very cat coded, but recently I've been more akin to mice.

04:25
Veronika Becher
Because it's October. It's.

04:27
Ari
Cause it's October. Exactly.

04:29
Veronika Becher
No, that's, No, I was just joking because that's why we have one brain cell. Yes. Because I'm just the opposite. Well, yeah, that's the same thing as. What was the joke that we discovered that I'. Yeah.

04:42
Ari
Oh, you're homosexual.

04:43
Veronika Becher
Yes, exactly. Well, to give you a rundown to this point, I had no idea that I'm actually straight, but I accept that. I guess that's an interesting identification that I haven't known about yet.

05:00
Ari
Yeah, I, when I met you, I totally thought you were like bi. The coolest person. Bi, lesbian, queer adjacent. I was like, heck yeah.

05:12
Veronika Becher
Like, was standing next to my boyfriend.

05:16
Ari
I, I, I thought that might have been. I didn't know that was your boyfriend. I wasn't 100 sure. But I was like, you know.

05:25
Veronika Becher
No, I like that actually, because I think what happens a lot of times when you are in the, like with your boyfriend or with your significant other, people always make like the assumption and like, okay, I'm gonna see you now as a pack. That means you're both come together in one block. And I can't see you as a separate person. So rather you thought this way than you made the assumption. Because it happened to me so many times. We haven't even dated for that long. And then it would be this thing of, oh, so you're together? And we'd be like, no, we aren't back then. And so it's just like, people make the assumption, and that's the first assumption they make. And I'm like, okay, I think you should have approached it differently.

06:05
Veronika Becher
You should have not asked as your first question when you first meet me if this is my boyfriend. That's an interesting assumption to make.

06:12
Ari
Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like that's very common in, like, quote, unquote, heteronormative relationships, you know?

06:20
Veronika Becher
Can we just talk about. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Culture shock. Random thing. Yeah. Dropping it. So when I moved here to the United States, we always have these, like, introductions in classes where you need to, like. I don't know, we would create, like, these photo slides where you would introduce yourself with photos. Like. Like, I've done this in so many classes so far, and everyone puts their significant other on it. And I realized that's not a thing in Germany. And it just interesting. And something in me, like, was like. Like, it took me a month to figure it out why I was so weirded out by it. I'm sorry to say it out loud because when I was going through the slides, more than half of the my classmates in a classroom of 60 people were in a relationship. And.

07:07
Veronika Becher
And I knew that why? Because they actually put it on their slide and it was like a thing of, you can, like, I don't know. In Germany, people might mention it along the lines, oh, I do have a partner. But that wouldn't be their identity or their introduction. They would rather mention, hey, I have these hobbies, and this is what I'm interested in. And this is my degree rather than this is my partner. I don't know why, but that just weirded me out in the beginning when I just moved here.

07:35
Ari
That's interesting. Yeah. Because, like, I never thought about it like that before because, you know, I grew up in the U.S. but it's like, you know, growing up and like, going to school here, you know, in, like, public schools. Like, I always, like, all my teachers would be like, yes, I'm married. I have kids, you know, and I think that might be, like, a cultural thing, is that the US Is very.

07:56
Veronika Becher
Like, family oriented, maybe.

07:59
Ari
Family oriented. Yeah. There's like a obsession. I don't maybe obsession. I don't know.

08:03
Veronika Becher
It's like, maybe that is an obsession. Honestly. Yeah, it's why people getting married so early.

08:09
Ari
Yes, it's. I see 21 year olds, 20 year olds getting engaged and married and I'm sitting here at 23 going, why? You're so young. There's more to life.

08:23
Veronika Becher
Totally agree with you. Honestly, like, it is. I don't even know if you can make the decision to get married so early on in life.

08:32
Ari
No, you're not. Your brain's not even fully developed yet.

08:35
Veronika Becher
I don't know if you know what you want in life either. And I think what happens, and this is just something that I've been observing a lot. People choose their partner over their career. But I'm not saying like, yeah, go ahead.

08:46
Ari
No, I was just agreeing with you.

08:48
Veronika Becher
And I don't think you should be like, only career oriented. That's not what I'm trying to say. You can be also family oriented. But the thing is, people don't choose what they want to do in their life because they want to stay with their partner instead. And then they sacrifice so many of their dreams because they think that's the only one that's going to be in your life and that's the only right one. And I think sometimes you don't even know what you want and what type of person you want to date to be with. If you haven't even met more people than just one person out of high school.

09:22
Ari
Yeah. And you know, it's interesting because, like, it's funny because I have a Spanish mom and in Spain, it's not like, maybe this is just her a, her thing because. But, you know, honestly, it might just be her thing. I don't know if it's a Spanish thing or not, but like, she was very like growing up, like always, like, told me, like, think about your career first. Think about your career first. Like, never. Like, she's like, you can think about marriage like later, but like, your career comes first. Whereas my dad, on the other hand, you know, who grew up in the US and all that stuff, he was very much like, oh, we like about.

10:06
Ari
I don't know if I'm wording this correctly, but he was very more open about like, oh, you're gonna want to have kids when you're older, or, oh, you're gonna want to get married. You're gonna find somebody and get married and stuff like that. Whereas my mom was like, no, think about that bank. Like, what are you doing? Get your degrees.

10:23
Veronika Becher
I think my parents both were really like, oh, get Your degree. Like, they invested into my education. It was like the first goal in their life. They're like, education brings you forward. Because my mom would always say, oh, I want you whenever in your life you need to be by yourself, whatever happens, I want you to be free and be able to sustain it, your own lifestyle and do whatever you want. Because you have the education and you have the degree that you need to have a job, to be stable, to have the income you need. It's not about being a CEO. It's not about being super rich. It's about you meeting the basic needs that you have and not relying on a partner to be there. Because a lot of times you can leave these relationships because your partner is the main provider.

11:13
Ari
Yeah, yeah.

11:14
Veronika Becher
No.

11:15
Ari
And those kind of relationships are really tricky and they can get abusive if you're in the wrong circumstance, you know, like. Yeah, it's, it's. Yeah, it's an interesting phenomenon. I didn't really think about it. It's funny, as you were talking, I just thought about the Share quote of like comparing men to dessert.

11:36
Veronika Becher
I've never heard of it.

11:37
Ari
You never heard. Oh my God. She's like, she was in this interview and she was like, she's like, yeah, men are like dessert. They're nice, they're fun, but you don't need them.

11:47
Veronika Becher
Just crazy.

11:48
Ari
Yeah. And it's like. And then she follows up with, I think men are the coolest, you know, and like all that stuff. I don't know, it's. It's interesting. But my brain was thinking about that in the sense, not necessarily in terms of the patriarchy and men in general, but more just like, yeah, like relationships are cool. Relationships are awesome. And you can build, if you are in a good relationship, you can build a relationship that will help you financially together. You know, it's really important to have that sense of self security and sense of independence, you know, and that's something I value for myself and achieve, is that I have financial independence for myself.

12:32
Veronika Becher
I think like, for me, what switched was when I started realizing I don't want a partner just for the sake of being in a relationship. I want a partner for human connection because it's something that I strive. And I think family for me is not like the typical idea of oh, you have kids and you have a big house and a dog and then that's what you do, right? And that's your destiny type of thing. That's just the picture you paint. It's more when you live abroad by yourself. You realize how much you miss people sometimes and how much you want to be close to someone. And it's not the. Even the sexual part. It's literally just you having someone in the living room whenever you're cooking dinner and you have someone to share the meal with. And this is something that I miss.

13:17
Veronika Becher
And I feel like the more like, the older you get, the more people focus on their partner and relationships drag you, like, with your friends a little bit apart, and I see the reason for it. Like, you, of course, you want to spend more time with your partner. Of course you want to be closer to them. But the issue is that so many human connections are being lost because we focus so much more on our own little, like, circle. Yeah.

13:43
Ari
And it's funny because I'm non monogamous. When you're non monogamous, like, it forces you to explore, like, what is the definition between romantic relationships and friendships and sexual relationships and all that stuff. And, like, it's something that's, like, very tricky for me to navigate. I am a very affectionate person. I'm a, like, I love hugging and cuddling my friends. I'm.

14:08
Veronika Becher
I touch is just my language, right?

14:12
Ari
Yeah, it's touches my love language for, like, everyone, you know, like, in like, you know, respectful senses. Like, I'm not randomly touched someone. Yeah, yeah, no, but like, I love giving my friends hugs, you know, and.

14:27
Veronika Becher
Like, I'm like, laughing because that's how I feel too. And the amount of times that friends make joke, like, fun of me, they're like, oh, did you just actually ask me if I want to hug? I'm like, yeah. The amount of people here in the United States that are weirded out sometimes when you hug them first and they're like, why are you touching me? You're like, too close. And I'm like, I'm a huggy person. I'm sorry. Like, I'm not. It's not sexual because I touch your shoulder. I'm sorry, guy. I'm not interested in you. I give you hug because I give everyone a hug.

14:54
Ari
It's. It's not a. It's not a you thing. It's a.

14:57
Veronika Becher
Don't think you're so special. I'm joking.

15:00
Ari
Calm down. Yeah, it's like, yeah, no, it's. It's interesting.

15:07
Veronika Becher
This is like, I've never met anyone who is non monogamous. And yeah, this is like, super. How did you decide that? Or how did you discover that? Or how does that work? Wait. Yeah, go ahead.

15:21
Ari
So that's a long question. I've been non monogamous since like 2021.

15:26
Veronika Becher
You even have a date?

15:27
Ari
Yeah, yeah.

15:29
Veronika Becher
Time too.

15:30
Ari
Yeah. Timetables, time stamp.

15:31
Veronika Becher
Star. When the stars align in the specific.

15:35
Ari
Constellation, when the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars, then peace will guide the planet and love will clear the stars. Because this is the dawning of the age of.

15:46
Veronika Becher
Oh, my gosh. Go ahead, go ahead.

15:53
Ari
I was dating my current roommate, who is my best friend, and I love her so much. This is gay culture.

16:00
Veronika Becher
Okay, sorry. Go ahead, go ahead.

16:02
Ari
This is, this is gay culture. It is very normal for exes to be roommates and stuff. But, like, were always just more friends than I think anything.

16:14
Veronika Becher
Like, I think it depends how you even broke up and how.

16:17
Ari
Oh, it was very amicable.

16:18
Veronika Becher
And how long you were together. Like, I think three years. I was like, about to say, like, yeah, it depends how long you were together and such, but maybe you can move on and be together. But then you said three years, and it just threw me off to a different planet.

16:36
Ari
We're just best friends. That is like one of my best friends in my, like, in my life. Like, we, when she moves, like, we have a plan to get, like, matching tattoos. Like, whenever she inevitably moves to. I'm not gonna say where, but, like, yeah, we always have these nicknames for each other. Like, that's. I always called her chicken.

17:02
Veronika Becher
Sorry, the chicken. I made a joke yesterday about being a chicken. So that's why it's, like, so weird. Oh, my gosh. I don't even know in what context I said that. I'm a chicken right now. But.

17:17
Ari
I, I, I, I always called her Chicken because, like, she would walk like a chicken, and I always thought it was so sweet. And then she'd call me Kitty. And so I plan on getting, like, a chicken tattoo. And she's gonna get a kitty tattoo. That's really sweet. She's like, if you know us, like, everyone knows, like, oh, that's. Those are like just best of friends. Like.

17:41
Veronika Becher
But do you know what's interesting? Like, is she, like, what's her. Can I asset sexual orientation is that.

17:47
Ari
I'm gonna keep that private for her, but she's also not monogamous.

17:50
Veronika Becher
Okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I feel like what happens. And it is like, if you, like. Well, in the straight. Let's call it straight community, people assume if you're super close to someone, you're right away dating. If you're, like, opposites but then if it's somehow like, I don't know, the other person doesn't look to the stereotypical like guy, girl, whatever. You make the assumption from people are always, oh, they're really good friends. And then I'm like, no, you don't even know anything about these people. How can you make this assumption? And so when you said we're really good friends, I'm like, yeah. Have you ever experienced that people didn't know you're dating but they thought you're potentially dating?

18:30
Ari
People knew were dating and just thought were friends.

18:35
Veronika Becher
That's crazy.

18:37
Ari
Yeah, yeah, it's, it was, it's a very like, it was very much like these two have a very deep bond. But it's not like people just wouldn't.

18:47
Veronika Becher
Acknowledge the fact that they couldn't date each other.

18:50
Ari
No, it's so, it's so it's kind of hard to explain without explaining the entirety of our relationship. But like, so we met on a dating app in like 20 in the winter of 2020. Basically had no friends at that time. And she, her and I matched and we clicked instantly and we started dating and were monogamous for a while and then we had like kind of like a sit down conversation and were just like, I want to say, like I was not even 19 yet when I had this conversation. And we both had this like realization of like the idea, like it's unrealistic to put the, to us, like the expectation that one person will fully meet all of your needs, it's like, is impossible. And to expect that of you is really unfair.

19:53
Ari
And also like, it also became like an autonomy thing of like Monogamy. Felt like I have a very weird thing about autonomy. Like my partner has no say in authority on like what I can and can't do with my body. Same thing with like, vice versa. Like, I have no authority to tell like my partner who and who like what they can do with their body. So it's like, you know, if they want to, you know, engage in a relationship with another person, like, you know, that's, go right ahead, like live your truth, you know. And I think there's like, there's boundaries. Boundaries exist. Like, I'm not gonna, I'll be like, I would prefer if you, I didn't, you know, hook up with my ex or something like that. That would be like an ex I did not get along with.

20:48
Ari
Like, that would be weird. Like, I know, but so were like, okay, we're gonna try non Monogamy. And so we did. And as were exploring non Monogamy, we realized like, oh, we're not. We're more really good friends than anything. Like, we realized that, like.

21:13
Veronika Becher
We were.

21:13
Ari
We'Re best friends, but, like, we don't have that connection. We did. When were 18, we broke up. Like, technically, we broke up in like 2024, 2023, 2024. I can't remember. I don't really think about that. But because she's still very much relevant in my life and she's one of my biggest supporters. Like, I love her so dearly. Yeah, we're like the best of friends. And after we broke up, I. The value of like, autonomy and the idea that, like, expecting one person to complete all of your needs stuck with me. And it's like, yeah, I am, I'm non monogamous. Like, Monogamy for me doesn't fit me. Like, I don't see myself being like, I want a partner. Like, I, I do. I. There's several types of non Monogamy. Like, there's relationship anarchy, there's hierarchical Monogamy, there's all these kind of stuff.

22:22
Ari
For me, it's like, I want a partner, like, or partners, whatever. But I'm a very fluid person.

22:29
Veronika Becher
I think the topic is. It's complex. Yeah. It has so many different facets to it. And it's also how you define it.

22:37
Ari
Yeah.

22:38
Veronika Becher
And I think what's important is to first bridge the gap with the person you want to be in a non monogamous relationship and understand, are we on the same page? That's what I could imagine. I'm. But also, I feel like I could relate to the points you mentioned, even though I am in a monogamous relationship. Because for me, it's like I wouldn't want to have any sexual intercourse with someone else outside of my relationship. But I also know that my partner doesn't want that either. And I think that's why we would call monogamous, because we wouldn't interact with someone else sexually. But then if you say it this way, it means that our relationship is only built on, like, sexual desires. What isn't the case? But then something that I realize is my partner can fulfill all my needs.

23:32
Veronika Becher
And that's the idea that has maybe some nothing to do right now with the topic we're talking about. But happiness is often seen as a core component of our lives, right?

23:42
Ari
Yeah.

23:42
Veronika Becher
But we think that finding a partner will give us happiness and will fulfill us. But that's not the case sometimes and most of the times it's not. And I think that's a misconception. In the beginning, when you start dating, you find you feel euphoric, you feel happy, and you're like, oh my gosh, this is so good. And I love being around this person. And then it's just goes down the hill, right? You for some reason stop feeling the. This, like these feelings. It feels like a normal routine. And I think what happens here is you need to find people that will give you what you need in the relationship. That you need to look outside of the relationship itself to give you the happiness. Find hobbies, find connections with people. You can't be just with a partner all the time.

24:26
Veronika Becher
And you can't put it on your partner either to be like your therapist, your mom, your caregiver, like everything you can't do that. Right. And I think that's an interesting way of seeing it that you're saying I'm non monogamous. I cannot speak monogamous because I'm looking and striving and trying to find these other parts of me that I just couldn't like find in just one person.

24:52
Ari
Yeah. And you know, it kind of goes into like for monogamous people, I'm sure it's like you have different relationships. Everyone has different relationships. Like we have a relationship. If you think about it's like a friendship, you know, but like you have a relationship with your boss and all that stuff. And each relationship like fulfills something, whether it's a need or not, you know, but like, I don't want to. This is such a very nuanced subject. So if I'm like stumbling on my words, I apologize. But like for, I guess imagine like for monogamous people, it's like, you know, your friendships and stuff like that are out, that fulfill you know, outside of your. Just your romantic life. And for me, like, I see myself like I make connections with other people and each relationship is different.

25:51
Ari
How I navigate each relationship is different, but it's all beautiful and I love all of them. You know, I have like, you know, I have friends that are just platonic, you know, like we hang out and stuff like that. And then I have other friends that like that.

26:11
Veronika Becher
Pause.

26:13
Ari
But like, you know, I, I have friends that, you know, are. There's like a deeper connection. I will say that's one way of putting it. You know, I make, you know, there and there's, like, friends with benefits. There's romantic partners I've had in the past. There's.

26:31
Veronika Becher
It's.

26:32
Ari
It's all different things. Relationships are very fluid. Relationships are beautiful, and I love having different relationships. And like. Like, my relationship with one of my friends is going to be completely different from the other, you know, and that's okay. And I. That's. That's the beauty of friendships and life and things like that, is having those different relationships. And like, to define relation, like being in a romantic relationship just through sex alone, I find is wrong because I have sex with people that are just exclusively my friends.

27:12
Veronika Becher
It's a definition that you need to find for yourself. Right?

27:15
Ari
Yeah.

27:16
Veronika Becher
No, that makes totally sense. I feel like for me, it's. I feel like connection for me is like energy waves. What. Sounds maybe weird for some people, but it's like, what do you get out of the relationship and how do you feel afterwards? And I think if you. As long as your partner or your partners are on the same page, I think you can.

27:40
Ari
Yeah.

27:41
Veronika Becher
Define it however you want, because I don't think society should dictate it to us. And in the end of the day, no one actually cares as much as you should care about it. I think I have, like, core values that I want to find in my partner if I have one partner. And that's what I'm striving to. It's like, I couldn't just be there for the sexual part because I think I would miss the emotional connection that I wouldn't get. Like, if I can have a few deep talk. I'm sorry, but you're kind of, like, not going to be with me, like, ever. Oh, yeah. Like, that's already where we start off. I'm like, you're just going to be really boring person to me. Yeah.

28:17
Ari
Like, and. And it's funny because I'm like that with friends. I'm like, if I can't have, like, a deep, meaningful conversation, why, what is just a friend?

28:27
Veronika Becher
Right?

28:28
Ari
I'm like, well, like, you know, I'm. I'll be friend. Like, I'm not going to be as close as with that person, as, like, let's say my friends who I can, like, sit and go, like, what is the meaning of life?

28:39
Veronika Becher
You know? No, but sometimes I feel like you need these connections.

28:42
Ari
Yeah.

28:43
Veronika Becher
I feel like I have a friend, really close friend, who's also a podcaster. And for the first year that we knew each other, we actually didn't talk about each other's hobbies. And we didn't know each other's family situation at all. What was crazy to me, it just never came up. Why? Because for hours we would have random, deep conversations about the most random things from like, philosophical questions about the world and life. And then we would add occasionally our own ideas. And I am an open book. But that was an interesting thing. I realized only a year later. I'm like, man, we do have siblings. Like, I just know. But seriously, I was like, I don't even know anything about your family.

29:25
Veronika Becher
Now I think about it like, all I know is like, all your views and values in life and that's sometimes much more important than what is your major. Yeah, I think people put their career in their family and things like that above values that I feel like I would love to see in you and I would love to know your opinion. And I think people in the United States, and I'm gonna say something that might be critical, but I think people in the United States, they identify themselves so much with their view sometimes, especially political, religious views, that their own identity depends on where they position themselves at.

30:04
Veronika Becher
And if you are in some capacity questioning it or not agreeing with them or not actually falling into the same box, they will for some reason feel like it's a, almost a betrayal or they like you're going against their own identity. Does that make sense? And I think what I love in people, what I appreciate is the discourse. I'm, I'm not judging you for your views. I'm not judging you for your relationships. I don't mind if you're like, as long as you don't kill people. Sorry, that's. And you don't kill me, but I will just listen to you and I would. I want you to give me good arguments and good reasons for why you believe in something. And if you can give it to me, I might disagree with you in the big picture, but I can still like, accept your opinion.

30:54
Ari
I get very shy, especially when talking about like non Monogamy a lot because it's like, especially when I'm not in my spaces, like when I'm out in my, like away from the NC State world or whatever. Like when I'm, you know, with my community, it's very normal. I'm sorry, like, the majority of my friends are all non monogamous, you know, like, and so it's kind of like the, like, I forget that it is like not quote unquote, usual in society to be non monogamous and like. And so when I like casually mentioned to somebody that Like, I'm getting to know who's not very new to the scene or whatever. Like. Or like someone who's new to the scene or someone who's not in the scene. Blah, blah, blah. That. Oh, yeah, by the way, I'm not monogamous. Everyone's like, what?

31:52
Veronika Becher
Like, why would you do that? Something like that, right?

31:54
Ari
That's like, so you. You're a cheater. And it's like, no, I frankly, I get too anxious about not making, like, I'm a little bit of an over communicator. I, like, will, like, tell people who I'm with and stuff like that and just be clear about everything. Or I try to be the best I can. You know, mishaps happen. But no, so that's all life, you know?

32:23
Veronika Becher
And I think that's. That's good. I mean, I think communication in general is really important, and it doesn't matter what relationship you're in. Like, it can sort out so many issues in the long run, too. And it's difficult, too. Sometimes. People misunderstand you, right? You're saying something and they're like, what did you just said? I'm like, okay, let's repeat that. Let's do it again.

32:43
Ari
Let's go back.

32:44
Veronika Becher
Yes. Do you ever, like, you speak fluently for Spanish, right? Do you? That was an assumption.

32:55
Ari
I am. I. I speak fluently. I wouldn't say. Well, I'm like, I can. I can hold a conversation. But like, compared to, like, let's say a native Spanish speaker, I'm. I'm not that level, I guess, if that makes sense.

33:09
Veronika Becher
Yes. So the question is, do you think in two languages or in one.

33:15
Ari
Oh, this is, I think, in two languages, actually.

33:18
Veronika Becher
Because the thing about communication, in my opinion, is also the challenge of knowing several languages not saying you. You don't have to have a language barrier, but, yeah, you're. The way you view the world is shaped sometimes by the culture you grew up in and the language, too, because there are certain words you can't translate. And then I'm like, I don't know how to explain you this one thing, but I know exactly what it means. But there's this one word in this one language that I know that will exactly describe how I feel right now. And I can't pinpoint it to you. And I was just curious if that's a thing for you or not.

33:53
Ari
Yes. So for me, it's less the language and more like kind of going back touch as a love language. It's the Spanish culture. It's. We're a very huggy, touchy community where it is very, like, very normal to be like, you know, like, the abuela is, like, grabbing your hand, like, excited, you know, or your cheek, like. Yeah. Yes. I don't. Do you guys do the. Like.

34:20
Veronika Becher
We don't get to do this. I feel like Germans are weirdly touching. They not. We're doing this weird side hug that I hate. Not going to lie. Yeah. It's just one arm, and it's just like, you kind of, like, touch your shoulder more with the shoulder rather than actually hugging. And I'm like, no, no. I'm going to hug you. I'm sorry, but you're just gonna have the full experience.

34:43
Ari
Yeah. No, it's. It's Spanish. Spanish people are very huggy, very touchy. And, like. I mean, it's. It was like, normal to, like, for me growing up to, like, plop in my mom's bed and just, like, cuddle her and stuff like that. And even to an older age, you know, like. Like, I'd see my, like, Thea and my mom, like, cuddle in bed, you know, when were. When I, like, go visit, you know, and stuff like that. And that's, like, something that, like, continued to translate into friendships and things like that. Like, I. I would say that, like, I'm a very compassionate, very, like, I'm a fluffy person. I guess is. Is a. Is a word to describe me. I have crazy rbf, especially when I'm out in public because I choose to be. Have RBF to keep myself safe.

35:38
Ari
But then I'm, like, alone at a bar and then going, why is no one approaching me or, like, talking to me? And I'm like, oh, it's because I look like if someone approached me, I would be very mean.

35:48
Veronika Becher
Oh, my gosh. No. This is like, whenever I'm sitting in a classroom, people feel apparently intimidated by me because I ask a lot of questions and have this really serious look on my face. Same thing. Yeah. So some people talk to me like, I just met recently a girl that I haven't seen, like, two years, and she's like, oh, I was really nervous to talk to you in class because you're, like, so serious and you're intimidating as a person. Like, really, if you would know me in my, like, private life, I make more jokes that are inappropriate than anything else. And that's what I am about. Like, don't judge me based on. I'm just trying to focus and understand what crazy things you're Saying in classroom because I've been going through really interesting professors this semester. That's all I'm going to say. Yeah.

36:36
Veronika Becher
With interesting viewpoints on the world. That's all I can say. But yeah, no, same here. I feel like for me it's also Touch is like a love language. I feel like, I assume you're familiar with the love languages. For anyone who hasn't listened to my other episode that I've recorded a thousand years ago about love languages, it's touch, words of affairs, information.

37:02
Ari
Quality time.

37:02
Veronika Becher
Yes. Thank you. You're like helping me faster. What is it? So it's like active service and gift giving. Exactly. And I realized that it shifted over the years. Like I appreciate quality time a lot more. Like I like touch, but I feel like nowadays people have just less and less time and I feel like if I can find time with you where you're not on your phone and you actually give me the full attention, that's what I value a lot because that means I can have a full conversation with you and actually understand what you're going through.

37:37
Ari
No, yeah. I, I, I, I'm just, it's so funny. Like I can't really figure out which is my love languages of like what I receive and give because like I'm just a lover. I, I'm such a lovey dovey person. I love. I joke and say that I'm like I'm rude or whatever but I'm like trying to avoid swearing.

38:10
Veronika Becher
But.

38:14
Ari
But in reality I'm like, I love my friends. If I had a partner, you know, like if I had. It's like the scene from Timmy Turner.

38:25
Veronika Becher
If I had one, Then life will be different.

38:32
Ari
Yeah. But like I just, I love like my like my one friend. I like every time I see him it's like I appear with like a little trinket in my hand going, I found this for you or I made this for you.

38:48
Veronika Becher
Do you like it? Do you love me now?

38:50
Ari
Do you love me? And we have friends, right? And it's like, or like I cuddle my friends, you know, like I.

39:00
Veronika Becher
And.

39:00
Ari
I guess this is a silly conversation we're getting into, but it's like, it's so, it's hard. And that is what makes it like non Monogamy tricky. Sometimes it's like, okay, where is the line between like romantic and friendship? Because it's like, you know, I'll cuddle my friends, but to some people that's more romantic. And I'm like, oh no.

39:26
Veronika Becher
Like I Think. Yeah. I think what I said to my current partner, I was like, just so you know, I'm touchy with everyone and you just have to live with that. And he just looked at me and was like, oh, okay, I can live with that.

39:38
Ari
And I was like, word.

39:40
Veronika Becher
Like, yeah. Because I think I am a huggy person. I maybe I don't have actively sexual intercourse with another person, but I think I am. And I wouldn't kiss a person. That's why my line. That's why. Although I do kiss people on the cheek sometimes. Now I think about it.

39:58
Ari
Yeah.

39:59
Veronika Becher
I. My friends, close friends sometimes, not always.

40:01
Ari
Do you know how, like, old women, like, kiss each other goodbye?

40:04
Veronika Becher
Yes.

40:05
Ari
Yeah, I do that with my friends.

40:06
Veronika Becher
Exactly. That's what. Yeah, that's a good way of putting it. That's perfect. Like, that's what I mean. Not like I'm running around and just giving kisses.

40:13
Ari
Just like, you know, whoa.

40:16
Veronika Becher
But I think I am, like, hugging people. I hate when people give me a handshake because I feel like I'm in a business meeting.

40:23
Ari
Oh, God.

40:24
Veronika Becher
Yeah. As a business person, I'm like, this is just not business. I'm trying to meet you as a person. But I appreciate a casual thing. Yes. But also, I know it could be awkward with some people that you have met. And then people just don't, like, touch either. So I always tell them, oh, well, your shoulder is going to be mine now because I'm going to tap your shoulder the whole time because you don't want to be hugged. Then it's just going to be your shoulder suffering. And I realize over the years that's probably the most neutral zone on your body that you can touch someone. Yeah.

40:58
Ari
You know, I never thought of it about like that, but you're right, because.

41:01
Veronika Becher
That'S the conclusion I came to. Because back might be weird with the spine and then front, you just don't want to go there. And then head and hair is problematic of some people. And then everything below that is also. You should just not start. And then hands, maybe people don't want to hold your hand. So shoulder was my shoulder. My shoulder was my shoulder. My way to go. At least I thought that's what you would do. I don't know.

41:28
Ari
Yeah, I mean, like, when you run into somebody, you know, but you don't want to startle them, you tap them on the shoulder.

41:33
Veronika Becher
Yes.

41:34
Ari
So it's like, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. I never thought about it like that, but yeah, the most un. Androgynous zone, the shoulder oh, my gosh.

41:43
Veronika Becher
You never know. They always say if you can think of something, someone else thought of it too. In all kinds.

41:53
Ari
Oh, yeah?

41:53
Veronika Becher
Yeah. Oh, and apparently I discovered just recently that Germans have an interesting image out there. And a guy randomly commented on my Instagram post, and it was, like, good to know that's the image that I have as a German of enjoying a lot of different things. And like I said, we're not going to get into that, but I wasn't even aware of that. But good to know. Wow. I know, right? Wow. Well, I. Maybe I do, but I just never knew. It's a general thing.

42:27
Ari
Okay. Okay. We don't have to get.

42:31
Veronika Becher
Like a whole nation. You know what I mean? Like, being behind it. No, but. So you said you're queer, right? How do you. So when did you discover it? Like, can you, like, I don't know, just give us a little bit of rundown for all the queer people out there who are scared to be.

42:50
Ari
That is a saga, because, like, so it's. It's interesting. I. There were definitely obvious signs when I was a kid, when I was little, like, for me, like, when I was in Girl Scouts, like, I always wanted, because were in Girl Scouts, so there was no quote, unquote, boys. So when were playing pretend, I would gladly raise my hand to be like, yeah, I'll be the boy. I'll be the cool, hot boy. I'll be the boyfriend. I'll be the husband, whatever. When we played pretend, it was very, like, very quick to.

43:30
Veronika Becher
That this kind of terrifies me. What is if I discover in this session that I'm queer too? Because that was me too. This is kind of creepy.

43:41
Ari
I have an effect on people where I'll just lightly talk to them, and then all of a sudden they're like, maybe I am trans. And I go, no, I don't.

43:48
Veronika Becher
I don't think that's the case. Like, I. We went through it. I told you, like, the whole process of me checking everything potentially. And I realized, no, I think my issue was I couldn't be my feminine self in the setup I was in, because it was always looked down upon being feminine, being in a business world, surrounded by guys that would not even acknowledge.

44:10
Ari
Yeah. That would not fly. Yeah.

44:11
Veronika Becher
And then I was like, I think the issue is not my identity. The issue is the people that I surround myself with that wouldn't let me be who I want to be, even if that is the stereotypical way of being. It's just. It was this thing of, oh, no, you have these traits, and that's bad. That's why you shouldn't be in our industry and we're not gonna acknowledge you. But, yeah, go ahead. Sorry.

44:32
Ari
Go on. No, but, yeah, so. And then there was, like, I found, like, really connected to effeminate men. Very much. Like, this is, like, stuff I realize as an adult now, going. Looking back at myself, going, oh, that was very. Obviously, I'm queer. And then I think it was around, like, middle school. I definitely had, like, what would be considered a crush on, like, one of my best friends. And I was like, huh, that's weird. Like, that's. That's.

45:11
Veronika Becher
Huh.

45:13
Ari
And then, like, I. I went to. And then I got to high school and my height. I went to Durham School of the Arts for the locals. Go Bulldogs or whatever.

45:29
Veronika Becher
You have way too many mascots that are bulldogs. I don't know what it is with bulldogs.

45:33
Ari
We're not creative.

45:35
Veronika Becher
If you go to South Dakota, it gets worse.

45:37
Ari
Oh, is it just all bulldogs? Is everyone a bulldog?

45:40
Veronika Becher
Yeah, it feels like there are too many schools with a bulldog.

45:42
Ari
What is it about the bull, specifically?

45:44
Veronika Becher
High schools, though?

45:45
Ari
Yeah, yeah. There's, like, very little bulldog colleges or universities, but rather many high schools.

45:52
Veronika Becher
Yeah, it's the same as the Cardinals. I feel like that's the two, but it's also probably private school. St. Mary's is also a thing. Big thing, whatever. Go ahead.

46:03
Ari
Anyways. Yes, but the thing about.

46:07
Veronika Becher
So art school.

46:08
Ari
Yeah, it was Durham School of the Arts. The whole thing was, like, you were required to graduate with, like, an arts credit, like, a complete, fully arts credit, and you were supposed to start with two. And I noticed that everyone in my high school was gay, essentially, like, very outwardly queer. Like, there, like, so many trans people. There was so many, like, gay people. Like, and it was kind of a culture shock because, like, my middle school, I went to a charter middle school, Voyager. And that was the opposite. It was. There was very Christian, very more conservative, a lot of white people. And so, like, I think there was, like, one known out lesbian couple in the high school.

47:02
Veronika Becher
In the whole high school, it was.

47:04
Ari
Like, because it was an elementary, middle and high school, and the only known queer. Queer students were in the high school. And, you know, it's funny, I think people in my high school thought I was. Knew I was gay before I did.

47:21
Veronika Becher
No one just said anything.

47:22
Ari
No, no one just said anything. Everyone was like, yeah, we'll let that one figure it out on its own. But, yeah, so I went to. When I went to high School, like, my first high school friend group, like, every single person was queer. And so it just kind of became like, oh. Like, I was like, oh, I get. Yeah, okay, well, if all my. Like, if all my peers think it's cool, then, like, that I'm having these, like, thoughts or like, that I have these, like, interests in gender exploration, then, like, yeah, I am queer. And so it was. And that was really lovely. It's a very rare experience to have in the United States, to have an easy time being, like, exploring your queer identity in such an early age. Like, a lot of people, like, it's so funny. Funny.

48:25
Ari
Not haha, but funny. Interesting. I talked to other people in their high school experience, and they were like, I. Like, if I came out as queer in my high school, like, I'd get beat up. Like, yeah, I'd get ostracized.

48:39
Veronika Becher
You know, I'm like, thinking about my high school in Germany. I would say no one, actually. No one other than self during high school. But the moment we graduated, it was like a boom moment. Yeah. People realized how much they cared about. About their image, but they couldn't express themselves. It was almost like the way you dress yourself too. I've been seeing it. The older you would get, the more you would find your own style. And people would not care, but they would judge you previously. And then once you were out of high school, it was just like a fast moment of, oh, just be yourself. Because honestly, in the end of the day, no one cares.

49:18
Ari
Yeah, who. Who cares?

49:20
Veronika Becher
Like, and no one judged the people that did come out. Not that I've, like, experienced it, if that makes sense actively, but I wasn't the one either.

49:28
Ari
So, I mean, if they. If they're not paying, to quote RuPaul, if they're not paying your bills, pay those people no mind. Like, no. It's so real.

49:36
Veronika Becher
True. And how would you define queer, though? I feel like everyone defines queer differently too. Can you define it? Is the other question, though.

49:45
Ari
That is a loaded question. I think queer for myself is like. Like, for some people, it's their gender identity. Some people it's their sexuality. For me, it's like, a little bit of that, but it's more so like, choosing to be my authentic self without the. And going against what is conventionally socially defined as right or wrong. Because for some weird reason, society thinks that heteronormity. CIS people is like, the normal. And then we are. Then being queer is deviant or weird. Because, I mean, that's the.

50:36
Veronika Becher
Because it's not the typical stereotypical way of thinking, that's, like, what people assume, right?

50:41
Ari
Yeah. And to me, it's like, there is norm. There is no such thing as a right way or wrong way to exist. Being queer for me is authentically expressing myself as who I'm attracted to, who I identify as, how I navigate relationships. That is who I am, you know? And I've. This is something that I'm very fortunate because I know a lot of other people struggle with. This is like, I never doubt my queerness once. My. Like, my trans identity, my. My sexuality, my romantic life. That is something I will never doubt, and I will never let anyone doubt. CIS straight guys, like, will be attracted to me, and they'd be like, well, I'm straight. And I go, well, no, you're not. If you're attracted to me, I'm sorry, babes. You're not. Like, it's. I'm. I'm a trans man. Like, I.

51:49
Ari
This is, like, every relationship that I have will be queer because I'm a queer person. And, like, no one's gonna take that from me.

51:59
Veronika Becher
I don't know. Like, maybe. Personal question here too, but how did your. You told your mom, I assume. How did your mom react to it? Was she, like, super open to it?

52:10
Ari
Yeah. Oh, yeah, she was. She's. She's super cool. Like, she used to, like, hang out with drag queens and stuff like that. Like, all of her best friends are gay and stuff like that, you know? So when I told her it wasn't, like, a big deal, she was not like, oh, I'm so proud of you. She was like, okay.

52:35
Veronika Becher
And, like, what is the big deal of you saying that? Like. Yeah. Yes. I think, honestly, I don't know if I can judge it, but that's, I think, the best answer you can get.

52:46
Ari
Yeah.

52:46
Veronika Becher
Because it. No one makes, like, a huge deal out of it because it feels more normalized. Like, yeah. Yeah. Just wanted it. Yeah. I love how we just both saying yeah the whole time. Yeah. And we're just agreeing. But it's interesting because when you were like, yeah. I thought you were also, like, in the whole LGBTQ community, I was like, did you see me as, like, being, like, what made you think this way? If that makes sense? Or what did.

53:12
Ari
I'm gonna be so real. It's the way you dressed.

53:16
Veronika Becher
No way.

53:18
Ari
I was like, oh, you're so well dressed. Queer.

53:21
Veronika Becher
That's crazy. That's a crazy statement. I was telling Ari, like, literally before the session started, that when I started college, freshman year, me Was like, not really accused, but many people thought, oh, she's probably a lesbian. And for the longest time everyone thought that because I would not date anyone. And they were like, well, if you're not dating, you're hanging out with girls. That's probably the reason you're a lesbian. I'm like, beautiful. That's not an assumption you can make about me randomly without knowing me at all. But that's nice. Yeah. I feel like I can live with that for dressing well, that's the reason why. Oh, my gosh, that's. That's so funny.

54:03
Ari
Yeah. I was like, you just gave queer energy. And I was like, usually my queer energy is like, my. My gaydar is right. You're a surprise.

54:15
Veronika Becher
The amount of people that actually I even made the joke. I'm like, maybe I'm just not giving the right vibes to people. That's why I'm single for a long time. Because everyone thinks that I wouldn't be into, like, men at all.

54:29
Ari
Like, you're wearing amber earrings with bugs in them. That's a very gay thing to do. Only gay people wear that.

54:39
Veronika Becher
It's copying Russian.

54:42
Ari
You're like, you have a whimsical vibe.

54:44
Veronika Becher
Thank you. I think that's a good thing.

54:46
Ari
It's a good thing as a whimsical person.

54:49
Veronika Becher
Yeah.

54:49
Ari
You know what the best compliment I ever got was? Is like, it was one of my co workers. They like, we were just hanging out after like a meeting and like, they looked at me and she was like, you know Ari, you know, she's pre law and was like, I like, get really sad and like down about like, everything that's going on in the world and everything's just so stressful. And then I just see you and like, you're whimsy and I just. I can't be sad. Like, I'm around you. Like, you just someone to just see so much joy. I'm like, that is like to. To be known as whimsical and silly and filled with joy is like, I think the highest, like, accomplishment. Like, yeah. Compliment like, to ever receive.

55:38
Veronika Becher
Like, I never thought this way. And this makes me so much. He's so much better. Because I get that a lot. It's like, oh, yeah, you're just silly the whole. Because I mean, like, if you get to know me, the closer you are with me, the sillier I get. Yeah. And I'm also direct. That means I make inappropriate jokes here and there and it's just a non stop thing. And then I Will laugh and then accuse you, and then we best friends again. I'm joking. Not accusing anyone here. No, but that's interesting. I. Like, this is the most interesting episode. I'm, like, identifying myself now as a new person. No, it's just I think what.

56:18
Veronika Becher
What I loved about even this discussion is the fact that I can ask questions directly and about anything because I think people, and this is my challenge as a straight person sometimes. I grew up in a high school that never talked about it. The emphasis on LGBTQ community wasn't a thing at all when I grew up. Like, I moved to South Dakota, and I end up in this huge friend group with only people that were queer. And it was like a hit to my face. I'm like, whoa, what's that? Who. What's people like, that exist? Like, I didn't even know that in. The issue is. I think that I would struggle with is, how do you approach people like that with a question that wouldn't offend their identity?

57:07
Ari
Like.

57:08
Veronika Becher
Like, if I ask you, hey, things about your queerness, how do I get to know more about your identity without right away offending you as a person? If that makes sense. That's like.

57:23
Ari
That's an interesting question. You know, I think. And I think it depends on the person and their experience, because every queer person's life is, you know, different. You know, and their journeys are different. Like, some people don't figure out that they're queer until, like, later in life, you know, I was very fortunate to realize it pretty early on. And I only get offended if someone is clearly trying to be disrespectful. That's when I start to have a problem. But I guess for me, it's like, it's hard to be offended when it's something that they don't know.

58:07
Veronika Becher
It.

58:08
Ari
Does that make sense?

58:09
Veronika Becher
Yes. Like, and it's actually. It's funny because I recorded an episode, I think it's, like, three episodes ago with Gavin Bell, who was like, it was basically about Native Americans and their identity. And he said something that stuck with me to this day, literally. It's the way you approach someone. Like, they call it the spirit. What spirit do you let into the room? Like, how is. Like, it's almost like a vibe, but that's a different word for it. And depending on your spirit, the question might be offending or not. And I think that's what it is. Maybe, like, if I try to offend you with my question, but I make it clear that I'm trying to offend you, then, yeah, that's just not appropriate. But if I'm not.

58:58
Veronika Becher
And I'm just curious to understand who you are and why you are the way you are. Yeah, it's. I think. But I feel like people need to be open, and that's really difficult to achieve sometimes in a society that isn't always open about queer people.

59:11
Ari
And that's why I'm so happy to be open about, like, being queer and, like, my experience of being queer, because, like, you never know who's going to need it. You never know who needs to hear someone and see someone be as openly queer as I am, you know, and proud, because that might save someone. That might make someone feel, like, encouraged to explore something that for a long time they felt they need to repress when they didn't need to. Like, I have a joke with my friend group that I'm the one that transes everyone's genders. But, like. And it's like. And it's funny, but it's like.

59:54
Veronika Becher
I.

59:54
Ari
Think it's more so just because, like, I'm very happy and willing to, like, sit down and engage with people through that and, like, in those conversations because, like, you know, it's a hard thing. Exploring gender identity is a hard thing. And I don't. And exploring gender identity is so beautiful. I love being trans. I think it is. Like, I love being connected to both my femininity and my masculinity. I think it is a beautiful experience. And, like, if someone feels attuned to that, like, I want to encourage that, you know, I want to help.

01:00:39
Veronika Becher
That's why I'm happy to have you on my podcast.

01:00:41
Ari
Yeah.

01:00:42
Veronika Becher
No, seriously, because that's one of the reasons why I started. We literally talked about. You were like, don't talk more about it. I was saying I never record people's faces whenever I record on my podcast because I want them to feel comfortable sharing their own voice. I don't want people to make a judgment based on how you look. I want you to make the judgment based on the story that they are telling and then make a decision for yourself if you agree or disagree with it. And that's the whole concept of my podcast, if that makes sense. And I want at least one person to hear it who needs to hear it. Your story, your experience. And I think that's the important part.

01:01:21
Ari
Yeah, no, I think this is, like, podcasts like, these and resources, like, these are incredible. That's like, it's. Yeah, it's so important to hear, like, other people's Experiences in life. You know, that's part of the reason why I started working for, you know, the movement and interpersonal violence, peer education was just. Because it's like having these resources is critical. Like, we need spaces like these to have these conversations, to make it normalized, to talk about these things, like make it normal to talk about sex, make it normal to talk about gender identity, make it normal to talk about race, like religion. It's because it's. We're scared of the things that we don't know. And that's. That's the hard. Like that's the hard truth is we're scared of things we don't know. And it's like. And I think that's what all.

01:02:24
Ari
Like this is all like. Like if we just sat and talked and like actually listened, you know, without.

01:02:30
Veronika Becher
Forming a judgment and answer before the other person finished their thoughts. Exactly. You know, that's something they teach you actually in active listening courses, like in leadership and so on. It's like the idea of whenever you finish your thought, I should not actually formulate my thought before that, but I rather should listen to you so I can absorb it. Because a lot of times we think of the answer before we actually hear what the other person said. And because we form ready answer, we already have a filter on it. And because we filter it, meaning we will might not actually perceive the message the way it should be. And so questioning and like asking the person back, oh, did I understand that right? Is a way of active listening.

01:03:15
Ari
Yeah.

01:03:16
Veronika Becher
So yeah.

01:03:16
Ari
Yeah, it's interesting.

01:03:19
Veronika Becher
Is there like, something you would give as an advice, like as the last thing on this podcast to someone who's maybe in the same situation as you, but hasn't come out yet, hasn't had the experience of exploring their own identity, knowing who they are, anything that you would like to leave?

01:03:43
Ari
I'm a big fan of Rocky Horror Picture Show. I perform in the Shadow Cast at the Rialto. And this is like, so tacky to say, but don't dream it, be it. Everything is so scary at first. Like, the first time exploring anything is always going to be terrifying. And this is not just in queerness, but in life, but, like, especially when things, and especially with the way things are right now, it's terrifying to present yourself as queer or like your authentic self. But there is nothing more beautiful and rebellious. There's nothing more like, powerful than just saying, screw it. I don't care what people think. I don't care about the stigmas. I know myself and myself Is beautiful. I'm gonna stand up and be who I am. I'm not gonna dream it. I'm gonna be it.

01:05:00
Ari
You know, I see all these, like, posts about protests and anger and stuff like that, and I like, you know, I'm with it. I, like, I'm with it and all that stuff, but I think people neglect the power and the rebellion. That is joy. So feel joy. Joy is what brings people together. Joy is what stands up to wrong. No one can take joy away from you.

01:05:28
Veronika Becher
This is so powerful. I love that. This is like. No one can take away your joy. Dream it.

01:05:36
Ari
Don't dream it.

01:05:37
Veronika Becher
Be it.

01:05:39
Ari
Dream it. First, have the dream.

01:05:41
Veronika Becher
Yeah.

01:05:41
Ari
You gotta have the dream to be it.

01:05:42
Veronika Becher
But. But that's in the end. Yes. No, I love that. I think that's really powerful. In the beginning, when I started this episode, I was like, I did not think that's what we're gonna end up, but I like that's the journey. Yeah. No, I appreciate it.

01:05:59
Ari
Oh, my gosh.

01:06:00
Veronika Becher
Yes. And thank you.

01:06:02
Ari
Thank you for having me.

01:06:03
Veronika Becher
Thank you for. I think it's. It's such a complex topic, and it's difficult to put sometimes the feelings into words, too. And I think you did so well for, like, just putting it out there and, like, being yourself and opening yourself up, and I think that's a really good trait to have.

01:06:19
Ari
Thank you. I'm just a little male.

01:06:25
Veronika Becher
Yeah. Depending on what. Depending on the month that I'm deciding to be or the month. Right. Yeah. No, thank you. Thank you. Yes. Thank you for being on this episode.

01:06:36
Ari
Yeah. Thank you for inviting me.

01:06:38
Veronika Becher
I'm so.

01:06:38
Ari
Was very flattered when. When you asked me to be on your podcast.

01:06:41
Veronika Becher
I'm just a creepy person at this point. I'm just asking there, and I'm like, maybe I should create, like, cards where they give out my. My mini.

01:06:50
Ari
My podcast.

01:06:50
Veronika Becher
Yeah, exactly. No, seriously, I'm like, I'm just trying to reach more people. And I think, first of all, it terrifies to be on the podcast. Many people, they're like, whoa, that's a lot. I'm like, no, it's not. You're not gonna die.

01:07:06
Ari
You'll be fine. Yeah, I'm a certified yapper. So when you were like, do you want to be on this podcast? I was like, I want nothing more than beyond a podcast.

01:07:15
Veronika Becher
No, but that's just. It's so true. Because I'm like, honestly, I think people should be like, you can choose your topic. And I think. Yeah, I think that's what matters. And I'm like, talk about. You feel comfortable with talking about. Yes. That's good. So thank you so much again. Don't dream it. Thank you.

01:07:34
Ari
Don't dream it. Be it.

01:07:35
Veronika Becher
Yes. And for all my listeners, there will be part two. So stay tuned to that. And thank you so much for listening to another episode of Identity Library. Bye. Bye.