Identity Library

Veronika Becher 0:00
Hey everyone, and welcome to another episode of identity library. My name is Veronika Becher, and today I'm sitting here with Kian Alberto, and I still can't pronounce your last name, but that's okay.

We're here again in the studio, and you know, it's literally almost Oh, it is 11pm Never mind. It's a late night show.

I hope you enjoy our little talk. And well, I kind of invited him back because I really want to talk about his favorite word, called alignment, as he always likes to call it. You want to say something before we start like, Yeah, well, thanks for having me back. I'm very happy to be back, and I'm happy to talk about this topic today. Actually, I think that this is something that a lot of people should probably listen to, because I feel like most people probably feel lost, or they feel like they don't know what the heck it is that they're doing with their life, and they go through their whole life doing that. So this is definitely something that maybe can help. I'm not saying that I know anything or everything or literally anything at all. But this is just an opinion, so I'm just making fun of you for being humble. For once,

it's such an unnatural thing like I've never seen so humble. Maybe I have to record every single time at 11pm on a random Wednesday, and then you just become the most humble person on earth, or I just

Kian 1:25
not what you think I am. Yeah, I would like to start with the whole concept, not even, like, just explain what you mean by alignment. And let's just jump into the whole thing. All right. Well, if we're gonna start with alignment, instead of defining what alignment is, just straight up. I think it's deeper than that, right? Let's go on a little journey. I think we should take a little path, like Little Red Riding Hood, going through the woods and finding the Big Bad Wolf. You know what I'm saying?

Veronika Becher 1:52
Sorry, Kian. Take you serious. This little so just dear listener, so you know what is happening in the studio. First of all, there's no light right now. It's 11pm Second of all, with a glowing mushroom in front of I call it mushroom. It looks like a mini mushroom. Let's be honest. It's an Ikea lamp. It's really nice. It's a really cute mushroom lamp. Listen, it's part of bringing energy to the room. Um, yes. And part of that is part of you know me being aligned with myself and just knowing myself? No, no, it's not. I'm tying that in improperly, no, but realistically, let's go on a journey, right? So I think we'll start with something very, very simple, and it's just a simple phrase, and it's the idea that you need to do what you want to do. Okay? We're going to break this down, and this is where alignment is basically going to come into play. And I explained this to Veronica, probably the first time I met her, so the first time, yes, in the coffee shop,

and I'm here today, so it's very striking. It'll it'll strike people. I hope it resonates with a lot of you. I mean, it's something that sticks with me until the end of all our conversations. I always remember the alignment part and this, that was the reason why I invited you in first place to my podcast. So yeah, so without further ado, follow me here. What you need to do is do what you want to do, and I'll say it three more times. Do what you want to do, do what you want to do, do what you want to do. Within that, it means you need to be honest with yourself to do what you want to do. And that's the only way to know what it is, is by being truthful and honest with yourself, brutally and to that extent, essentially, once you start doing what you want to do, it is then your responsibility to do it. Well, I'm not going to go out there and just say, try to do whatever it is that you want to do. And if you decide tomorrow, oh, it would be fun to go be, I don't know, a fisherman off the coast of Japan. I'm not saying that's a great idea. I'm not saying it's a terrible idea. I'm just saying, if you're going to go do it, you better commit yourself fully, and then I guarantee that you'll be successful in doing it and you'll be happy in doing it to the best of your capacity. That's the idea of doing what you want to do. I believe that everybody can do whatever it is they put their mind to,

Kian 4:14
but it's their responsibility to be honest in terms of what it is, and that in it derives a lot of things, such as

drive, determination, motivation,

purpose and Alignment. Alignment is the center of all of those things, kind of like the main adjective with all the others falling into place as determining definitions of it essentially.

Do we have any questions so far,

Veronika Becher 4:45
I'm just listening. Should be conversational. You know, you've had this talk before, so no, sometimes you just have to listen. Being an active listener is actually something I'm working on. Well, that's fantastic, and people have been like giving me feedback on.

Kian 4:59
If Veronika Stop interrupting each other, you know the story that someone's trying to tell you? So I'm like, No, I think that I was thinking back then from our conversation, is how people can actually implement it. And I know it's easy to say, think, like actually be true to yourself and think what you want to do, and don't lie to yourself. But sometimes it's really difficult to know that, no, it's not, no, it's not.

It's really not. It just depends where you are in your journey. So I'll just continue. So essentially, when you're we're looking at the concept of alignment, it regards to the center of four pillars, concepts, constructs, whatever you want to call them, right?

What you can get paid for, how you can help people and affect society, is one

that's the other.

The third is what you're passionate about,

and the fourth is what you're good at. And essentially you take all four of those things, and at the center of them is your purposeful alignment, where you will essentially have endless amounts of fountain of youth, for lack of better words, motivation, drive, determination, discipline, whatever it is that you need, you always have it

to be as successful as possible within those those realms. To do that again, it comes with honesty within yourself. And where do you if you're going to go ahead and tell me that it's difficult to do that, I will go ahead and offer you an alternative and say it's quite easy. You just need to go ahead and ask yourself if you love yourself or not.

That's the essential question in it, because if you love yourself, why would you why would you lie to yourself? The answer is, you, you don't. If you love yourself, you don't lie to yourself. So it's very easy to figure out what it is that you align with. You just have to spend the time with yourself

to do it. It's if you struggle with fully loving yourself, if you have self destructive tendencies, if you struggle with self love to whatever capacity that is, then yeah, you're gonna struggle figuring it out. What is that you aligned with and what you need to be honest with yourself about you. You don't love yourself enough to be honest with yourself. If there's anybody in the world that you need to be honest with it's yourself.

And I said that last time, because it's true, you can put on a facade everybody does across social media platforms, which I don't have other than nurses today. Go follow on LinkedIn,

Instagram, but my personal ones I don't have. People can build out facilities. People can build out fallacies of who they are and how they portray themselves, but they should never do that within themselves, because that's the only way that they can grow. Love is self growth and self development, and that's what self love looks like, and it's also finding out who you are and aligning yourself with that, because that's what you do. If you love yourself, you're going to figure yourself out. How do you love yourself? How do you love yourself? I can't answer that question for anybody. So in your like, you have a point of view that self love has really universal, and everyone has to find in themself every every person is an individual. It is impossible to define what self love looks for each person, but the path and journey to self love is very simple on a very grand scope, which is honesty and truth to self, because if you're honest and truth to self, you will self serve positively, because loving yourself means positive that's guaranteed that's something that is objective and not subjective, so that'll transcend which means positively. Loving yourself means positively doing things for yourself that you align with. I think, like self awareness would be also a thing. Like, you know, when you self love is one step, but self awareness is the other step. And then through self awareness, you come well, you can only be that. That's what I'm saying. That's exactly what I'm saying. You can only be aware if you love yourself, because you have to be honest to be aware. If not, you can't be aware for if you lie or you're not honest. Yeah, and the alignment thing reminds me a lot of I've mentioned it actually my second episode that I recorded on this podcast, is this 3h

model

in its I don't know if you've heard of it, but it's pretty similar, actually, to alignment. Here's what the 3h model is,

Veronika Becher 9:38
yeah. So I've learned it actually in my business school. What is like the German version, but it's the 3h models, head, hands and heart.

So to find your passion, or to find something you really like, want to do, like intrinsic motivation. It's a concept of intrinsic motivation itself is a.

Um, find something that your heart tells you to do. So listen to yourself, something that you think your head will tell you too. So when your head is aligned with what you feel in what is logical for you, but then you have the hand part. So you can't just do something that you don't know how to do. You need to actually acquire the skills, right? So you want to be fishermen, but you don't know how to fish. Well, that's your passion. Maybe you are passionate about it, but you don't know anything about fishing, so your head is not aligned, so you need to learn how to fish, and then your hands. That means you need to acquire the skills to fish itself. And if you combine all these three aspects, you get into a stage of flow. And the stage of flow is when your skills, your abilities to like, actually process these things, your heart so what you feel is aligned. You don't need willpower or motivation anymore, because in the stage of flow, you actually get intrinsic motivation was without getting any extrinsic influence, like money or other like things that are not stable. So to find stable, and we talked about it, we talked about how things are not stable, but to find something more stable, that's like the way the concept works. You need to find the motivation in yourself rather than seeking it from outside.

Kian 11:26
And I don't know, I just, I was just thinking of that, because when you said alignment, and it's like, you're aligning these three like, and I know that this concept is also like, you can expand it to like, what do you want to achieve in your social life, and that's what you mentioned about, like people and before other things,

um, you have to learn how to do anything and everything you learn how to do in life, don't you?

So then I'm gonna offer this, and I'm gonna offer how I don't necessarily agree with what you're saying.

If you need to learn how to do anything and everything in your life, you can learn how to do everything with your hands. You can learn how to do everything with your head, and you can learn how to do everything with your heart. How do you learn how to do it? Motivation, discipline, drive,

because that only comes with truth and honesty within yourself. So, so no, so it's like you can learn how to do anything with your hands. You can learn how to do any trade, any skill, if you wanted to be name, name a role model of yours,

but like a more famous or well known somebody that if you said, people would know who they are, not like a family member or friend, just name anybody didn't really matter, like

Veronika Becher 12:44
you don't know the person. Hazel Scott, but you it doesn't, it doesn't

Kian 12:48
matter, for the sake of this. Who is Hazel Scott, very quick. What does she do?

Veronika Becher 12:53
Um, really famous. She's not alive. Is

Kian 12:56
she a writer? Um, no, she's a pianist, player. Rachel, Scott, Hazel, Scott. Hazel, Scott, okay,

Veronika Becher 13:05
fairness.

Kian 13:06
Player, that's all that matters, yeah, if you wanted to be Hazel, Scott, you could exactly so you will never be Hazel, Scott, and you can never get there because you don't want to be. You see that if you wanted to be, you could be because you'd be willing to do everything that it would take to be Hazel Scott, which is possible because we're all humans. Nobody's more special or built different than another. There are blessings and people are gifted, but that's an extreme level of the best of the best of the best. What's your role model? Well, I was asking for the purpose of just, like, responding,

Veronika Becher 13:41
no, I'm curious. I'm just seriously curious. Who's your Ronaldinho,

Kian 13:46
okay, but like, for what you see, I'm saying, like, that's not that has nothing to do with anything other than soccer.

Veronika Becher 13:53
If you see it this way, though, that means people are just one sided, like, I feel like I can have a role model for different No,

Kian 13:59
yeah, I have him definitely, for one reason, one reason only. He was a druggie and loved to party and threw his life away.

Veronika Becher 14:04
And why is he a role model? Is

Kian 14:06
that that they I don't need to explain myself. If anybody knows anything about soccer, I don't need to explain myself. He brought absolute joy to everybody who he he he is your favorite player's favorite player. Why you see what I'm saying. So it depends on what I have deeper answers. It depends on what, and that's a valid, more thought out response than just giving an answer. I'm valid in saying that. Right? Is he a role model to me for one reason? Yes, for a lot of other reasons, no, he's not a role model to anybody. For

Veronika Becher 14:39
me was always like, I've several people that are role models, but I do know how to answer it independent from what you know, what direction you want to go, if that makes sense. Um,

Kian 14:51
I feel as though, when it comes to things like alignment, right, what everybody needs to do is start with that. Flow journey. Just start with that. Understand to what level you love yourself, like, think about life in itself, right? Anything in life, is it a black or white scale, or is it one, zero to one, or is it more like one to 10? You know, I'm saying like, if you were to take a scale of things and a slider. Everything in life is not black and white. It's more gray. There's spectrums. You should probably figure out where you are on that self love spectrum. There's not just, I don't love myself, I love myself. There's a spectrum of where you lie on that. That's where you got to start. That's definitely where you have to start, because what you have to do is focus, like with everything in life is focused on the parts that you struggle with, or the things that you're not well versed at or not good at, in this thing, in this sake, it's okay in what ways are you self harming? In? What ways are you not self serving? Right? And so you think about those ways, wherever you are on the spectrum, and you hone in on those and start working on them. Well, by doing that, you're already starting to figure out some truths about yourself, and you're already starting to align yourself properly, because you're figuring out what you like, what you don't like about yourself. And then with that answer, you can think about, okay, well, who am I? Because I'm telling myself what I like and don't like,

Veronika Becher 16:20
what did you discover that you felt like something like along the self journey or self love Journey? Um,

Kian 16:27
I realized what life is. I realized what reality is. I decided to be completely real with everything, and I decided to accept and understand that pain is love and that struggling is love, and that suffering is is love. These are all the strongest forms of self love. The things that we say are are all these bad things are the best. Why? Because that's what makes you grow and develop and change and exceed limits. Break through walls, break through barriers, push yourself to another level every single time that's self, love, pain, suffering and struggling and doing it by choice.

Veronika Becher 17:13
Did you discover a certain weakness that you worked on

Kian 17:17
every day? There's a lot like from the past, from today, from yesterday. Like, what Okay, today, today, weakness that I found about myself is that well, so I told you about this. All right, we'll get into this. I will talk about something I do actually to help with this, which will dive into my daily improvement. So what I do to be honest with myself, to make sure that I keep myself in check and that I continue to be honest with myself every single day. Is I journal. Part of my journal is because, for my businesses, I want to keep track of my to do list, since I have to build it out myself and don't have anybody telling me what to do. So one the left side of my journal is that the right side my journal is called my daily affirmations, where what I do is write one thing I'm grateful for, write a check in with myself, and then write one daily improvement that I want to improve every single day. Not kidding, I really do this. So usually, when I'm great, whatever I'm grateful for, I don't start doing this at about 11 o'clock. The reason why is because it allows me to go on a walk with my dog in the morning. Usually we'll go on a hike early in the morning after I work out and stuff, so I can go out, touch grass, get away from all electronics, all society, all everything. And that's where I can be grateful for something, right? And I'll pick something to be grateful for that day, every single day today, it was pretty crappy out this morning, like, early in the morning when we're out there. But for me, one of the things that are my comfort zones is when it's 60 ish degrees and it's kind of drizzling and it's like, like, people hate that type of weather. But for me, it's very comforting. So do I? It's like, very comforting for me, yeah. So I was like, standing there, and I was walking, and most people would be like, wouldn't even go outside this morning, but I went, and I was like, I'm so grateful that I got to have this, because I haven't experienced this in a really long time. And it reminded me of college, because that's Colgate is like that a little bit, and it's very peaceful and quiet up there, and you get to be with your thoughts. And it's just very nice. So I was like, All right, I'm grateful for this. Most people would be like, screw this. What am I doing? Why am I outside? I'm not going outside. It's raining, it's foggy, it's cold. Be grateful for it. You'll

Veronika Becher 19:35
love my home country. Home country is crazy. I've been

Kian 19:39
to Germany, probably no different.

Veronika Becher 19:43
It is different. Actually, Germany has quite different like, Each place has its own temperature, and like, we get less snow as other areas we have a lot of rain. This is, like, one of the most rainiest areas actually, in the world. We have more rain than Scotland does. And. We have like every

Kian 20:01
then I would never want to go there. Respectfully, I would never want to go there. No way.

Veronika Becher 20:08
It's nice in certain degree. When you move away, you realize that you actually appreciate rain because it reminds you of like homes.

Kian 20:16
Is it all right? Okay? I will say this. We are definitely not in in the majority here, but like that type of weather is very peaceful. I really do enjoy it. It is my happy zone. But you have to understand how little of a minority we are in that, like most people, it's like, hot, sunny weather. Like for us, it's like, yeah, no,

Veronika Becher 20:40
no, no. Hot, no. Hot, sunny weather. Actually, I like spring the most because, like, my perfect weather is when you can wear, like, a little, like a leather jacket on top of your like, t shirt, and then long pants. And that's just the perfect weather for me. And you can take it off if, but then it gets cooler in the evening and you take it like, you know where to get,

Kian 21:01
like, so it's not in North Carolina. Yes,

Veronika Becher 21:06
although I like,

Kian 21:09
it's the best upstate New York all night. And breweries apple cider. That's

Veronika Becher 21:14
exactly why, gosh,

Kian 21:17
you get hard cider. They make it there because they have the orchards, and it's like, nice, and the breweries are outside, like gravel picnic tables. People just go Table to Table. Oh, it's so beautiful.

Veronika Becher 21:30
My German college town actually, also

Kian 21:32
it's probably exactly the same. I it's, it's very similar. I'm not gonna lie to you,

Veronika Becher 21:39
no, it is similar, and it's also so we, I used to, like, doing my first two years in college. I lived on a like Hill, like on in the mountains, so we had the fog all the time. And it's just, like, it just feels so good, like fog and like a little

Kian 21:55
bit of rain drizzle, like, like a misty drizzle.

Veronika Becher 21:59
Yes, yesterday was so good. The only thing that I was

Kian 22:03
getting yesterday was, yes, slight, sorry, like the in the in, like, the air, like a slight bite in there. It was really nice when it's nice and crisp, like, like, it's a little crisp, you know what I mean, nice, but you went on a big tangent, back to the point gratification, right?

Veronika Becher 22:23
That was an important tangent,

Kian 22:27
apparently. So back to my point gratification, right? Gratitude. Then what I do after that is right? Is Right? A check in with myself. So it's like, how do I feel today after that? Walk, usually walks like you clear your mind. These are all things you do out of self love, which is training yourself to be more self serving and self loving. By doing it every day, habits become permanent. If you train self love you and your acting self love, you will be self loving. I don't care what you tell yourself in your head you're acting in self love, you will be self loving. It's very simple. It's not hard like you think you just have to go do it, but you have to love yourself enough to go do it. So then you write check in. All right, how am I feeling today? Well, if I didn't feel so great yesterday, well, I'm gonna be honest with myself, I don't feel so great yesterday. I want to be better today. If I felt great yesterday, I'm right it well, I felt, I felt amazing, and it carried over. I feel really good today. So I think I'm gonna go be great today too. Like, I don't know, just write whatever's on your mind in that moment. Um, this coffee was too acidic. I hate this. Waste the money. I don't know, but turn it positive somehow, don't make it negative. And the last thing is the daily improvement, right? So when it comes to daily improvements, it's usually something that you want to make very attainable. You don't want to set goals that you can't accomplish, because every time you accomplish a goal, it's almost like a release of dopamine. It's like a drug in itself, and you want to positively reinforce so you want to set goals that you can accomplish, not ones you can't, which comes with being honest with yourself and realistic and what you can do. So like, for example, today, I set a goal for myself to buy three people coffee at the coffee shop random, and then have a conversation with them. And then I did it. I got to meet three new people today, and it was really cool. I did something that I knew I could do, and then I did it, but it's an improvement, because challenged myself. It made me learn how to talk to people more, right? Be a little kinder, be a little more approachable, because people could have taken that really weirdly, but they didn't, you learn, and that was really cool. And I got to tell them about my business too, which was really cool, because now I can expand a little further. So there's a lot of positive, positives in that daily improvement. About a month and a half ago, two months before, I was preparing to start doing events for the business, I was like, Okay, I need to get more. Comfortable, like cold calling, talking to people like RAM Lee's, grabbing random people and talking to them about whatever the heck it is I'm doing. Hard to believe, right? You said I am full of myself so that, yes, that would be hard to believe if you believe that. So, yes, hard to believe. Okay, either that or you don't think I'm full of myself because I'm either soft spoken or I'm not. You get what I'm saying. Okay, so hard to believe, right? Yeah. I was like, All right, let me go practice and be more positive with speaking. Well, what's the hardest way to do that? Well, when it comes to men, one just go talk to women. So I made it a point every single day about two months ago, and since then, every single day I have done it to go up to a random person and say, Hey, I would just like to let you know that you look great today and now you're beautiful. I don't want anything else. That's it. Let me tell you, though, and this is where I'm just gonna make fun of some people. Now let me tell you when you get that error 404 message, like, when you type something in on Google and it just doesn't work, that's what processes these girls heads. I swear to you, it is the funniest thing, because they're just like, they don't know what to do, because I want nothing from them. Like, it's just like, hey, just letting you know. Like, hey, yeah, you look great. Have a great day. I hope I made your day. That's it. I hope I made your day walk away.

Veronika Becher 26:23
It's a culture thing. Let's be honest. It's a culture thing to the 10th degree. No guy, well, oh my gosh, no, it's okay. I think it's something American, don't get me wrong. But I think if a guy walks up to you here and ask you to get a coffee together or to just compliment you, people assume that the person's interested in you, because women don't make moves here, and

Kian 26:51
also men, and also either. And if they do, and if they are gonna go talk to you, it's gonna be to make moves. There's no in between.

Veronika Becher 27:00
Yes, exactly, and so and so. Coming from, like, a German perspective, when you told me that I'll be like, totally fine with that, I think it'll be the most normal thing ever, not normal thing in a way of getting compliments, but rather, the normal thing is of someone walking up to different person being like, hey, I really like, right? Here's

Kian 27:18
the thing, right? So this is where it just gets funny. Okay, so their reactions are the funny part, all right? And I don't Okay, I do suggest that everybody, every guy, if you're listening to this, I do suggest every guy do this, but there is some level of self awareness about how to approach it and how to do it. Okay, that's pretty some of you need to be honest with yourself, like, I'm not okay, like, I'm not gonna toot my own horn, but like, I am approachable. Let's just say that. I'm not gonna go past that. I'm gonna say just very general, I'm a I'm approachable. So sorry. I

just like, I'm trying to because, like,

I'm not gonna say it. Do you want to say? Like, no, like, I'm approachable. Okay, so it's like I can be a little more aware of my next reaction to this. I understand that if I go and do this, they're confused for three reasons. They're confused why? Because they either never heard it and expected somebody to either ask for the number and didn't receive that. They're confused because they've just never had somebody walk up to them just randomly do that, or they're confused because I haven't asked for their number and they want me to. So it's really funny sometimes, like, they'll try to stick around and start a conversation, and I'll just be like, No, I didn't want anything like good. I just wanted to make your day, and they have no idea how to respond to it, and it's the funniest thing in the world.

Veronika Becher 28:43
But there's another thing, it's um, when women? So there's a misconception that people have, that women get a lot, they

Kian 28:53
don't especially attractive ones. They don't even get approached. You know how easy? Okay, I'm gonna get I'm gonna go to hell for this. Can we not record certain parts of

Veronika Becher 29:03
this? No, no, we are. We are. Go ahead, continue. No one's going to help you. I

Kian 29:08
have, like, some of the if we're going to continue, this needs to get taken out. Go ahead. Just say what you said. Just reset. I will go off reset, because this is gonna be crazy. Say what you just said,

Veronika Becher 29:26
women, there is a misconception that women, okay, here

Kian 29:30
we go. Ready. Let me cook. I'm sorry, but if you walk up to any 10 out of 10 woman, that woman has never been approached a day in her life, there is something to be said that a 10 out of 10 is easier to get than a six in today's society. I am sorry, brother. But to anybody listening, if you are going to approach a six, she is going to be harder than talk to and think she is higher valued than an actual 10. I promise. I don't. I was just gonna be real with how this. Works. Okay, a 10 will think she's a six and never be approached in her life, and a six will think she is a 25 you want to talk about self harm for men, go talk to women. When it comes to certain women, you talk to a six, it'll be the most self harming thing you've ever seen in your life, because you will look at her understand she's a six, and she will look at you like you are a piece of one. Just don't do it. You want to you want to self harm brother, go talk to a six. You really want to get something done. Talk to a 10. I promise you'll be happier for it. She's more beautiful. She's gorgeous. She doesn't know it, and she's way Kinder about it.

Veronika Becher 30:41
The worst thing is, yes, the worst thing is, there is even a different concept, concept behind between women in general, because we do agree

Kian 30:50
with this. I'm just saying that way I don't get I don't get hurt at the stake. She was snapping this stuff. She was agreeing 100%

Veronika Becher 30:59
it was so like to the point exactly, to be honest, it's true, it's true. It's true. No one can it's true. If anyone wants to tell me that's not true, then please convince me, but it's gonna take you a while, and I don't think it's possible. But basically it's just the issue is, even between women, there's a different concept that I've realized that if I say that out loud, people also call me, but basically it's if you see another like woman next to you, and you think that this woman is actually less attractive than you are, you will more likely compliment this person, because you already know subconsciously that you look better than the person next to You, that it doesn't matter if you give the person a compliment, but you are less likely give a compliment to someone who you think is actually more like attractive than you are, because they'll actually lower your own self worth, and you don't want that. So a lot of women that actually are also like really attractive, they don't get compliments, even in from women, and everyone assumes that they get compliments all the time, because they just think, well, she looks good, that means she will, for sure get compliments, but she doesn't. Is the thing. I love the tangent. It's a crazy tangent, just saying, but yeah, I don't know. And then kind of going back to the topic, I think you should also compliment guys. I've realized, like, it can make such a big difference too. It boosts confidence, but also it's just if you're

Kian 32:30
if you're interested, like, Well, why not, like, why not just go talk to somebody? What? What's the harm? It doesn't harm you. I never understood that concept,

Veronika Becher 32:39
but the issue is, sometimes, when you compliment a guy, the guy will also think you're hitting Well,

Kian 32:44
yeah, yes, no, yes, yes, you are. It depends what you say and it depends how you say it. See that that's where I will just say you're ignorant. Then that's your own fault. Like if you decide to do something, if you decide to compliment somebody, it depends how you say it, people will take it how you say it.

Veronika Becher 33:02
But people always almost take it as, oh, she's trying to ask for my number, so that means she's amazing, and

Kian 33:08
I promise you like, what are you saying? What is it that you're saying? Make it very obvious. Make it obvious. What are you trying to say? Go ahead, give a guy a compliment. Pretend I'm walking down the street. Give me a random compliment, and I'll like tell you the thought process, like, I'm a random dude, hey. Like, that's just like, okay, chill, calm, cool,

Veronika Becher 33:28
thanks. That's

Kian 33:31
just like, calm, thanks.

Veronika Becher 33:34
It's like, yeah, that's

Kian 33:35
not anything. Nobody would take that any type of way if they did run. That's a that's a creep. No, a lot of

Veronika Becher 33:40
people do. That's the thing in this video thing.

It's a safe,

oh my gosh, the amount of times, okay, I'm gonna run. This is the thing, like my aunt would joke about that. She's like, every single time when you see behavior like that, you take your shoes and you run, that's literally what you say. It's like, take your shoes and run, and it's, she says it in Russian. It's so funny. Like, I'm just saying it just, like, disappeared. Like, you don't have to, like, you see the moment you see a red flag that is really obvious and bad for you, that's

Kian 34:09
really concerning there. That's like, lack of extreme self awareness. If you get what I'm saying, like, that's like, What are you, Brother, please. Nice fit. I would say, Yo, thanks. You should let me, let me, let me style you up. You need some help.

Veronika Becher 34:25
The amount of times, oh my gosh, that's crazy, the amount of times I give guys compliments for the tattoos is crazy. I just really like the art behind it, or, like, just outfits, but I feel really crazy about, like, just strange giving compliments to people, but I do that sometimes, okay, coming going back to alignment and self love. So step number one, after you figured out that you never get compliments because you are 10 out of 10. So dear listener, if you are one of them, don't worry, you're gonna find the right guy in time. And

Kian 35:02
no you want, our society is absolutely screwed when it comes to our generation. Just saying, if you're, if you're ages 25 and younger, there's something that's not coincidental. It's actually very, very like, like on purpose? Okay, society is going to just the dumps the people and their morals and values and what they hold true and what they think takes to be a good person is in the dumps. I think most people can agree with that. There's a reason why divorce rates are higher than marriage, than, like, staying together. Rates are by like, a tremendous amount and extremely higher than they were ever and the reason why everybody you know has probably been cheated on or has cheated on somebody else, there's a lot of things that come with this stuff, and it all ties around religion. There's a lot of reasons all these wars are happening way more than often. There's a lot of reasons all this random crap is happening all the time that people aren't understanding like religion. We don't believe in religion anymore. I don't care what religion it is, whether it's name it, name the religion. I don't care what it is. It's the fact our religion teaches morals and values and then has a higher power that holds you accountable to it. So then you hold yourself responsible when you do it, and you learn those morals, you learn those values, and you hold yourself to and you stay true to them, and that's what makes agreed is a great world, and that's what made the world function the way that it needed to. And that's what held genuine marriage and family together. But the moment that you take religion out of life, you take family out of life, and you take love out of relationships, because then everything becomes self serving. Because the whole concept of religion is not to self service to be selfless, but the whole concept of human nature is to be self serving. So religion equalizes human nature, and without human nature, without religion, human nature just becomes itself, which is inherently bad. There's no disagreement. No, I

Veronika Becher 37:10
disagree with one thing. I feel like religion caused a lot of wars in the past. I think most wars actually happen also like, especially if you look back like, because of religion people. What

Kian 37:22
about right now? Let's talk about Israel and Palestine. That's, that's, well,

Veronika Becher 37:26
it's still really straight up a religious war.

Kian 37:29
Israel decided to just say, Hey, let's go and do what we wanted to do for the past 5060, 7080, years, just because the Bible says that this is our land.

Veronika Becher 37:40
So that's why I disagree, on one hand, because I feel like religion can cause a lot of wars, but at the same time, I think that having certain values that you value in your own society and in your own surrounding is important, because people stay accountable to their own values, and they actually stick to them. But the other thing is, um, that you need to keep in mind, I think situationships are actually the issue. But

Kian 38:08
where do they arise? It's the way self serving. You have one purpose for that person. You don't. You only use them for reasons. It's two people using each other self serving. That's the whole point of what I'm trying to

Veronika Becher 38:21
say this is, this is how you go back to just normal philosophers like imanu Kent, and then you just have a whole conversation about it, how you should never use a person for a mean. But this

Kian 38:33
whole point of what I'm trying to make where everything is self serving that sense, right? And so, like, there's a lot of reasons why. Like, okay, I'm sorry, but like, Yo, um, most every successful person, think of the most hyper successful people in the world. I promise you, they're all religious. They

Veronika Becher 38:47
will believe in something. They follow that path no matter what religion it is. You know. You

Kian 38:53
know what else it teaches you, discipline.

Veronika Becher 38:56
Discipline. I was literally about to say discipline.

Kian 38:59
The best superpower in the world makes you unstoppable.

To that point.

Alignment and religion, you need to be aligned with yourself. And once you're aligned with yourself, Oh Lord, give yourself away and just, just, just let it be, because then it's about counting your blessings. And blessings is about positivity. Okay? So I'm gonna say it like this. I'm gonna say it in two different ways, positivity, positive mindset and religious belief. So there's this concept that I strongly believe in, which is called blessings. What blessings are is luck. Take luck. We make it. It's not something that really exists in terms of you get lucky. Some people are lucky. Some people aren't. No you make it. What you need to do is make the most of every opportunity, every failure, every success, every downfall, anything that sets you back. Take every single one. Those opportunities and put a positive spin on it, and grow from every single one of those. When you're growing from these things every single time, and you're getting better as a person, and you're improving every single time, you are getting closer and closer to the goal that you're trying to achieve. And so opportunity presents itself to everybody. It's called the law of attraction. It presents itself to absolutely everybody, but it's only when you're ready for it, when you deserve it. What's the point of putting a horse to drink water? If it's not doesn't know how to drink water, yet, it's a waste of time. There's no point. So you're not going to get that opportunity. We need to be able to build yourself up to what you want, and then it'll start presenting itself to you, and by then you'll be ready to go and achieve it, and to chase it and accomplish it. And so what you need to do is you need to count your blessings. Everybody gets blessings from God. Yahweh, Allah, whatever you want to call it, you just need to choose to count them, which means take every bad thing that happens and understand that that is the blessing. If you ask for anything, it will not be given. The lesson to teach you that is what will be given. So what does that mean? That means bad, negative, grow, learn, persevere, overcome pain, struggle, suffer, love, same thing. That's what that is. And so if you see those blessings, counting them means taking what you need from them, taking the negative, spinning it to a positive, and growing from every single one of those. And if you continuously do that, whatever it is that's the end of your rainbow will be right in front of you, and you'll be ready for it when it comes.

Veronika Becher 41:48
There's a Russian saying that my mom used to tell me all the time, and she often idiots said, Dear, it's a coach. Means everything that happens happens for good reason. And it's literally the same concept that people believe since, I don't know, I think, like so many generations back, like when someone just established it, it's the same concept. It's everything that happens happens for a good reason, meaning, even if you don't get the job you thought will be your dream job, it happened for good reason, because you were realized that you maybe don't need it. Yeah,

Kian 42:21
so, okay, I was working at JP Morgan at one point, right? I absolutely hated my job. What did I learn at that job? Well, I learned how to talk to people, how to sell things to people, and how to understand people's emotions. Well, what am I doing for my business right now, exactly that building the business is the easy part when it comes to business, 99% fail when it comes time to go and sell and market. Well, I spent a year and a half doing a job that I absolutely hated and didn't realize that everything I learned in that job getting really good at it, is everything that I needed to do. Go and do this now and do the part that everybody fails at. It's the same concept where people say Hindsight is 2020 because when you look back at it, it all makes sense, because the picture was fully formed, and you see what the outcome brought you.

But that's why you have to see the outcome when it's happening. Isn't that much more powerful and self serving when you see it in the moment and you use it then, rather than see it after and go, Oh, that's what that was.

Why'd I beat myself up for so long? Well, for this amount of time after it happened, I should have just been improving, getting better. Well, yeah, that's the point. Be more positive about it. It's just a lot easier when you think that it's God sending you a message than you trying to be positive about everything bad that happens, because most things that happen in life are suffering and struggling. I will

Veronika Becher 43:55
see it also as an opportunity like, you know, it's, um, I have a friend of mine who didn't get into his like, dream college, and it's just him getting to NC State was actually, like, for him a blessing, for other reasons, because he made different connections that he never anticipated to have in his life, and about him where he is right now, getting like, a job, um, that he really wanted to, like, go into. And you never know. Sometimes, going the path we think is the right path, it's not the right way to do things. And maybe we'll not bring you where you want to actually go. And it's like, it's a really calm thing that happens, especially in the business world, where people have a certain image of the Big Four, big three, depending how you like big three on NC, Deloitte, like you want to go into, like McKenzie, big corporation. Yes, everyone wants to go into this company. No one understands that either.

Kian 44:54
What do consultants do? Please tell me what their skill is. Somebody you. Me one thing that's a skill that consultants do, and I'm sorry if I offend all consultants, but what do you do? Tell me, please, what is it that you do? What do you learn in school that translates to your job?

Veronika Becher 45:13
Oh my gosh, no. Don't even start. No. There's no

Kian 45:15
no. As a consultant, I know what you do. It's actually very hard to do what you do, and you make good money doing what you do because it's hard to do what you do. Not a lot of people can do it. People can do it. That's what I was trying to say. What did you learn in school that made you do what you did? You wasted your time in school. That's consultants out there. You wasted your time in school. Disagree,

Veronika Becher 45:32
but we had a whole debate about that. Basically, listen to the other episode for that. But I think everyone wants to go into these big corporations because it's almost a trend. But a lot of people realize, once they're there in their dream position that it's not for them, it's not what they anticipate it to be. And also, a lot of times, something that you agree on, probably is people don't want to put the effort into it, like they get there, and they realize how much work it is to continue this path, self

Kian 46:04
serving to them completely. It's one of the four or two of the four, but it's not all four of the four, so they're never going to be fully satisfied and whole with it.

Veronika Becher 46:14
And a lot of times they just lying to themselves, not true to themselves, and the that's really not fully

Kian 46:19
aligned. You know what people should do if you want to figure out what you want to do with your life, and you don't know, go join a startup. I'm not saying that, just so I can get people to join nurses and nannies, like, for real like, go join a startup, because most people who would join a startup, your role will be very big and expansive. Like, you'll get to do a lot of what you want to do you get to hone in your voice and your craft, because you have a lot more leeway and a lot more power and almost just pull within the company because of how small it is, it's really the best way to grow and develop your skills and learn what it is you like to do, because instead of having one very specialized task. You'll be told, this is your specialized task. You'll probably do like, five, six different things.

Veronika Becher 47:07
These are the best internships you can ever get. I think so many people around me actually did exactly the same thing. We have in Berlin a whole like, startup scene going on right now. And I've many people that went into startups specifically to just like experience different tasks and then specialize later on, once they know what they want to do. And the same thing, that's why, especially when you start off with your first like work experiences, I think it's important to evaluate a company based on what it will give you, what skills it will give you, rather than just the company name, it depends what path you like want to follow. Sometimes is good. Sometimes it's not um to have just Mercedes on your CV, but it doesn't really like the skills behind it could also be really helpful, even if it's a small local you like, yeah. I

Kian 47:56
mean, like, um, do people actually listen to this for real, yeah. Um, okay, well, like, I'm hiring currently. Like, I really wasn't saying that as a leeway to this. I really do mean that, like, genuinely, if you want to, like, you really don't know what you want to do and but you have an idea of a field. Go do that field for a startup, and you will do the scope of the field and figure out exactly what it is you want to do if, if you want to do that at all too, because you'll, you'll pretty much explore all parts of it. But my company is doing that right now. Um, I'm currently looking for digital marketers, more journalism based, as well as people in development, more UI, UX, back and front end web development based, and then also just social media people. So if anybody in here works or is part of a sorority, and you run some of those pages for them, I would actually be interested in talking to you as well, because, you know, building that social platform and showing a portfolio of pages you can run is something that would be useful in the future if you want to work for companies like Tiktok, Instagram, LinkedIn, things like that. But yeah, I'm doing unpaid internships, and I'm offering a lot of experience full time roles eventually with that, as well as work studies, if possible, if you can work that out with your professors. But yeah, it's a great idea for a lot of people to do, because it allows you to really expand in ways that corporations will never allow you to do. They want you to be robots. We want you to be individuals. That's the difference, because individuals grow and create robots maintain and just stabilize and take money from society. We help society.

Veronika Becher 49:46
Um, do you have just going back from like, the tangent on alignment? Do you have this last concept of like? So you you mentioned self love being one step self awareness? And from that comes alignment. Is there anything else that a person who wants to like go through this journey needs to take into account besides journaling and reflecting and continuing, growing and challenging yourself?

Kian 50:14
Yeah, I have, I have a few. One I will get this out of the way. Um, people won't agree with this one, sobriety, full on sobriety from any vice doesn't matter what it is. If you have vices, and I don't mean just alcohol, I don't just mean drugs. I don't just mean what you think. I mean, like vices, whatever that means for you, if ice creams of ice for you, no ice cream like you need to to in order. So this is the way that I see it, in order to understand yourself and in order to best process the way to be honest with yourself and be truthful, you need to put yourself in the harshest, consistent possible. You can't be comfortable, because if you're comfortable, you're not going to come out of your shell. You need to go somewhere where there's nothing but the real you that can be there, and things like vices will always suppress the real version of you and who you are. So whatever that might be is something that you need to live without. You need to be stone cold, sober, feeling it, going through it, understanding it. It's a journey where, like I said, pain, suffering and struggling is the love. So you need to be able to face that and do that, and vices keep you from pain, struggling and suffering. I think that's the number one thing that people need to understand when it comes to this type of journey that you're gonna go through, right? It needs to be raw, and it needs to be real. And if not, I'm not saying you can't get there, but I think you might be cheating yourself. Additionally to that, everyone should go and explore religion. I think you should read the Quran. I think you should read the Bible. I think you should read the Old Testament, which is in the Bible. So you can just read the Bible. Those are the three major ones. I think you should read some Buddhist texts as well, kind of in the same different I think you can be Buddhist and a religious person at the same time, they kind of intertwine. I think Buddhism is more of a way of life and way of living in the present. So it's actually something that's helpful just for day to day peace. I think you should meditate, meditating and learning how to get into a meta state. Meditative flow. Practice allows you to clear your mind, to be able to be honest and true to yourself, because a lot of times when you're able to clear your mind, it's true thoughts and feelings that come out, and you're able to really process who you are and see yourself for how you are. So meditation flows, whether that be yoga or meditating or just breathing exercises would be helpful as well. And then lastly, decide if you want to do it. If not, you're wasting your time, just be honest with yourself, align with yourself.

Veronika Becher 53:08
Thank you. I think that was hope, that was everything kind of covering alignment in a short term. But I think I hope that whoever listens to it, first of all, apply to nurses, nannies.

Kian 53:27
On our Instagram, LinkedIn, our nurses to nannies. You can find us. You can find me. Keon Alberto as well. I just have LinkedIn, though, unfortunately, and Google and Wikipedia and articles and newspapers and YouTube.

Veronika Becher 53:45
Okay, I got it. But basically, thank you so much.

Kian 53:50
So I do have some validity in listening to me. It's not completely invalid. There is some validity. And I do have, I do have something under the belt to have validity in what I say, it's fair to say, yeah, people don't know me. You can probably, you should probably attest that, yes,

Veronika Becher 54:09
yes, yes, yes, yeah. I appreciate it. I hope it helps some of the lessons just going through, like the alignment process and just start with self love. I hope it helps, and maybe one person you know, please. Okay, last advice, maybe for me, please don't wait for the right moment. I know a lot of people say that, but don't wait for the right moment. There won't be a right moment to Steven started this journey, so just start, because if you love yourself enough, you will start now,

Kian 54:43
well, to that point, right? There is never a perfect moment to start. If you're looking for the right conditions, you'll never find them, because it doesn't exist. It's just called an excuse. Excuses have when you lie to yourself and you're not honest with yourself, and then that comes because you're not motivated. To do it, and that comes because you're not aligned with yourself. Thank

Veronika Becher 55:02
you so much for being on my podcast, and I hope you have a wonderful evening. It's Oh my god. It's midnight. It's midnight, my dear friends. So I should go to bed just enjoying some food. Thank you so much, and I hope you all have a good week. Find yourself. Find yourself. Love. Align. Thank you so much. Bye, bye, bye.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai